just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
