Someone shit on the floor
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
