Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
