i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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