I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The struggles of a small town man whore
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
