He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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