how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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