This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
