Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
