Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
