My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
