I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
