My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
