Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
