Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
