I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
