I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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