i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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