You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
