fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
