girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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