Need sex. Gaining weight.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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