Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
