I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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