I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
