god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
