I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
