respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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