OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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