Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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