I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
