woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
