She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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