It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
