Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
