Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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