i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
