And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
