Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
