made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
