This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
