She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
