ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
