She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
