After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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