Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Still dying that you shit outside
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I pour the whiskey from now on
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