even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
