fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
