I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
