Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
