this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Text me some of your sweat
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