white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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