lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
