If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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