How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The air was thick with penises
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
