His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
