Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
