I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
