I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
