Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
