Jerry, you need to find god
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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